Saturday, July 23, 2011

A reply to "27 and unmarried"

I recently came across this article "27 and Unmarried?" on somebody's facebook post. This article describes the thoughts of a yet unmarried Indian lady with regards to her dream mate. I would recommend reading this article. It's well written and rather enjoyable. I was thinking of a suitable/witty comment, but I could hardly come up with one. You see, an fb comment needs to be just short enough to elicit reader interest. However, I had lots to say. In order to do justice I decided to dedicate an entire blogpost to the reply. The reader would have to read her article first in order to make sense of this blogpost.

I do not know the author of the article. Nor have I read her blog before. However, I am an Indian-Bengali-USA-residing-Coder-Single-Guy and this just got personal. Ofcourse no malice was directed at any particular group. Still I could not help feeling a touch helpless after reading this article. Helplessness at my own fate. There were several aspects to her article that I had an opinion on.

On self-made men and romance : I think I can understand what Italian and Greek men have. The zest for life and the strength of character that makes men men. The behavior of men is ruled by desire, emotion and knowledge. A person who can harness the power of all of these at will and with with moderation is justifiably a genuine man. And I am not making this shit up. Plato is responsible for spewing this wisdom. It's not that Indian guys are incapable of being adventurous romantic men. But you must consider the circumstances. Every loving responsible Indian mom and dad, wants their son to be successful in life. That usually ends up making zombie coders who emigrate to the US. If the circumstances were different. If there was economic safety, freedom of spirit, art and adventure in youth then things would be different. You would certainly get a lot more Italian types in Indian men. It's nurture not nature here that is messing things up. How I wish the environment could be changed.

On Dominance Relationships: The author talks about her MB man taking the initiative always. In ballroom dancing it's always the guy who is supposed to lead. However, the dominatrix in the woman is also pretty strong. That's why "girls with oodles of self esteem" are not to be taken lightly. Sparks fly. An aggressive courting ensues until one softens up. \cite{Brothers Karamazov - Dosteovsky}. It's a good game. I like such games.

Genetics and predestination: What do you do when your genes are stacked against you? When brawn doesn't come to you naturally ? You can feel helpless for yourself. You can feel spite for the world that values such embellishments as puffy muscles and broad chests. Or you can put your best foot forward and with the humility that only real pride can afford, offer something else. Offer passion, love, care and good conversation.

On Stereotypes and generalizing : Not every Indian-Bengali-USA-residing-Coder-Single-Guy wants to take out a mortgage on a house in Seattle. There are those with a spark of adventure, a spirit of daring, anger in life and those who will be the first to take the initiative, pin down and kiss.

And, that's all I have to say about that.

5 comments:

saurabhguptasdiary said...

Liked the original post and the response both! :)

Vijay Chidambaram said...

Excellent post dude! I enjoyed your reply :) Your point about the indian environment is totally true - But I think this is changing as the days go. Somewhere down the lane, Indian romeos will challenge italian guys!

I loved several lines in your post, so quoting them piece-meal:

"It's a good game. I like such games." - So do I :) Curiously though, there is a difference between having oodles of self esteem, and being plain arrogant.

"Or you can put your best foot forward and with the humility that only real pride can afford, offer something else" - Brilliant tying up of humility and pride :)

I liked the way you ended it as well.

Vijay Chidambaram said...

Excellent post dude! I enjoyed your reply :) Your point about the indian environment is totally true - But I think this is changing as the days go. Somewhere down the lane, Indian romeos will challenge italian guys!

I loved several lines in your post, so quoting them piece-meal:

"It's a good game. I like such games." - So do I :) Curiously though, there is a difference between having oodles of self esteem, and being plain arrogant.

"Or you can put your best foot forward and with the humility that only real pride can afford, offer something else" - Brilliant tying up of humility and pride :)

I liked the way you ended it as well.

Shazz said...

Despite accepting the fact that there is place for the MB type of fiction, I am forced to admit that I too feel that twinge of annoyance. Annoyance at how hopelessly it stacks the odds against us.

I leave the "us" open to interpretation. I suppose it might include indian men, or perhaps even south-asian or asian itself. But, a man/woman has to dream.

Kolor said...

@saurabh: Thanks :)
@Vijay: Glad you liked those sections. I like them too. But all said and done, Indian romeos still have a lot of work to do..!
@SauceTrois: Annoyance agreed..! That's why I was compelled to pen down this blog. Otherwise I usually am circumspect in my battles.